HAMSTER VS. K-FED 2of 3: FED-EX STRIKES BACK

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TITLE: HAMSTER VS. K-FED 2of 3: FED-EX STRIKES BACK
AUTHOR: Hamster
CONTACT: [email protected]
CODES: MF, Mf, FF, ff, orgy, incest
CELEBS: Vanessa Hudgens, Erica Durance, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Kay Panabaker, Danielle Panabaker, Natalie Portman, Ashley Tisdale, Ali Larter and Alyson Stoner, and Natalie Portman

DIZKLIZAIMER: This story has no nothing to do with reality. It is only fiction. None of the events depicted have happened in real life. Furthermore attempting some of the things mentioned in this story could result in personal injury and/or prison time. George
Lucas I’m sorry, but after watching ‘Phantom Menace’ as I’m not as sorry as I otherwise would have been.


K-Fed stepped through the familiar, poorly lit hall that led to the room that had equally bad lighting. There were two chairs in the room. One was completely obscured by darkness the other had a weak spotlight on it.

“Yo man, open up some shades or something.” K-Fed.

“Silence.” Said the man in the chair. “Are you prepared to take your vengeance upon Hamster?”

“I’ve been ready for like a month, you keep dicking me around” Said K-Fed.

“I SAID SILENCE!!!” Said the man in the chair. “Despite your obviously minimal intelligence I believe that you may be of use in disposing me of our mutual rodent problem. Which is why I have developed a spray that is 1000 times more powerful than what you were using on Britney. It works with your, shall we say, unique scent so who ever you spray will be your mindless slave as long as they get a good whiff of your body odor. That means you shouldn’t shower.”

“Not an issue, yo.” Said K-Fed, who didn’t particularly like water or soap.

“Didn’t think it would be. I have something else for you. Something very special.” Said the man in the Chair.

“Very Special? Yo, if you are going to ask me out you should no I’m not into dudes, yo.” K-Fed said nervously.

“Shut up you idiot.” Said the man. He sighed. “It’s a weapon. One that Hamster will surely have no defense against. Now please just go.”

“I got one question.” K-Fed said.

“Yes?” Demanded the man with exaggerated patience.

“Like what’s your beef with Hamster?” He asked.

“Let’s just say that it’s family business.” The man said.

“Right OK. So uhh bye I guess.” K-Fed said.

K-Fed snatched up the boxes that were on the floor near the chair and made his way out.

“That idiot is our only hope.” Said a feminine voice from the chair in the darkness.

“NO. There is another.”

—-

Club Habitrail….

“So in London they have Mc Donald’s too?” Hamster asked the bald man to his left.

“Sure.” Said KMB. “But there are little differences.”

“Like what?” Asked Hamster.

“Well in London they have Big Macs except they don’t call them that.” Said KMB.

“What do they call it?” Hamster asked.

“Bloody shit.” Said KMB

“Whoa. I always call them fucking crap.” Said Hamster. “Thanks for coming to the opening of my club.”

“No problem. Where’s Anne?” Asked KMB.

“Dunno. I think she went to the girl’s room with Ali Larter.” Said Hamster. “They are probably in there doing it, or so I hope.”

“Don’t we all.” Said KMB.

” Ooops its show time.” Said Hamster.

Hamster got up from the table that he was sharing with KMB, Rose McGowan and Anne Hathaway and made his way towards the stage.

“Hello everyone and welcome to my magic show. Before I begin let me present to you, the unbelievable, indescribable Vanessa Hudgens.” Said Hamster. Hamster threw something that was completely invisible onto the ground. There was a cloud of purple smoke and when it cleared Vanessa Hudgens was standing there in tight black leather pants and a gold top. There was loud applause. Hamster kissed her on the cheek. “She’ll be performing after I do a little magic. Have a seat baby I’ll see you after the show.”

On the stage were two empty cages. Hamster bowed to the crowd and then held a cape in front of the first cage. He quickly whipped it away to reveal Danielle Panabaker. He repeated the process to conjure Danielle’s teen sister Kay in the other cage. Both girls were wearing patent leather high-heels, fishnets, top hats, white gloves, and bow ties.

“Hello ladies.” Said Hamster.

“Hello Hamster.” The sisters replied in tandem.

“Oh my, Danielle you seem to have something stuck between your teeth.” Hamster said.

“Really?” Asked Danielle asked with a horrified look on her face.

“Yeah let me get that for you.” Hamster offered.

Danielle opened her mouth and Hamster reached right into it. He grabbed something and began to pull. He pulled out in it was clear he was pulling a sausage out of her mouth. A VERY long sausage. He pulled and pulled, one foot and then two feet He eventually pulled four and a half feet of sausage out of Danielle’s throat!!! There was quite a bit of applause and some laughter.

“Thanks Hamster.” Said Danielle.

“No Problem.” Said Hamster. “Kay could you hop into that wicker basket there for me.”

“Huh?” She asked with a big goofy smile.

“Please, get in the basket.” Said Hamster.

“I’d rather not…isn’t this Danielle’s trick?” Asked Kay.

“Danielle refused to sign the waiver, now get in the damm basket.” Hamster said.

“But Hamster you screwed this one up in practice every time you tried it.” Said Kay.

“Basket. Now.” Said Hamster firmly.

Kay sighed and climbed into the wicker basket. Danielle placed the top over it. Hamster grabbed a case and opened it, inside was a collection of swords. Hamster first removed a rapier and then drove it into the basket.

“EEEEE”

Hamster removed a Ninja-To and then drove it into the basket.

“EEEEOUCH!!!”

Hamster removed a Katana and then drove it into the basket.

“OH SHIT!!!!”

Hamster removed a saber and drove it into the basket.

Nothing.

“Hmm.” said Hamster as he held a hand to to his ear and mimed listening to the basket.

Hamster lit a match and tossed it on the basket. The basket lit up. It was instantly and completely ablaze.

“WAIT, WAIT I GOT IT!” Cried Kay as she ran into the club through the front door carrying a fire extinguisher.

She made her way back on stage and used the extinguisher to put out the basket.

“Dammit, I always mess that one up. It’s not supposed to burn.” Said Hamster.

There was laughter.

“For my next trick I will need a volunteer from the audience.” said Hamster.

Rose stood up and raised her hand. She was wearing a nice tight red dress.

“Excellent. Miss Mc Gowan would you please stand for me…thank you. Please note that my hands are completely empty.” Hamster touched one side of her shapely hips then the other with his magic wand. He then collapsed the wand into his hand then closed it into a fist. When he opened his hand there was a pair of red panties in it. “Look familiar?”

“THOSE ARE MY PANTIES!!!” Rose exclaimed. She began to feel herself through her dress and found that her underwear, were in fact gone.

“They sure are. Here KMB you may want these as a souvenir.” Hamster said after handing KMB the panties. There was mass applause.

“Thanks Hammy.” KMB said.

“For my final trick I will amaze you all with a display of hypnotism. Kay, Danielle please stand on the stage front and center.” The girls made their way to their spots and stood in front of Hamster. “Ladies gaze into my eyes. You are feeling very tired, imagine yourself drifting away into a deep, deep sleep.”

Both girls’ heads flopped down as they stood.

“Danielle when I clap my hands you’re inner masculine side is going to burst free and join us. You will act as if you were a horny and drunken frat boy. Kay when you awaken you will behave exactly as if you were a dog. Now awaken!” Hamster said as he clapped his hands.

The two girls both opened their eyes and then blinked. Kay dropped to her hands and knees and she began to bark. Danielle looked down at Kay and then made her way to the table where Erica Durance was sitting.

“Hey baby you come here often. Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven? Baby if I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants. Are you tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all night.” Danielle continued to spill one cheesy line after another at a bemused Erica Durance.

She was the only one paying any attention to Danielle however because everyone else’s eyes were glued to Kay. The younger Panabaker was humping Vanessa Hudgens’s leg just like the dog she was hypnotized into believing that she was. Once again there was mass applause from the audience.

“All right, Kay and Danielle stop for a minute and come up on stage.” Hamster said.

The girls obeyed.

“I want the both of you to make out with each other. Like you mean it. And a lot of groping is strongly encouraged.” Hamster said.

Kay and Danielle began to kiss. There tongues wrestled together and their hand touched, squeezed and pinched all over each other’s bodies. There was wood sprouting all over the club as everyone watched the two sisters make out.

Hamster stood and clapped his hands. Both of the Panabaker sisters separated and looked around in total shock. And there was mass applause. Except from Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens, who were busy making out at their table.

“Damm.” Hamster said as he sat down by KMB. “Tricksterson is missing a hell of a show. He said he’d be here.”

“It must be important if he was willing to miss the after party orgy.” KMB Said.

Later…

After the show KMB, Hamster, Rose Mc Gowan, the Panabaker sisters, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, and Erica Durance all met up stairs in a large private room. Hamster had Erica Durance sitting on his lap. She was wearing a black top and red leather pants. Hamster was affectionately brushing his hand through her hair as he kissed her neck. KMB was enjoying a lap dance from Rose Mc Gowan, who was making everyone hot just watching her. Vanessa was taking turns kissing Kay and then Danielle Panabaker. The Panabaker sisters were each enjoying this attention greatly. Ashley got behind Erica and then reached around to unzip her tight red leather pants then started to pull them down. Meanwhile, a now naked Rose Mc Gowan was riding KMB’s cock like a cowgirl.

The door opened and Anne Hathaway stepped in to the room followed by Ali Larter. Anne was wearing a black dress and Ali was in red.

“Sorry we’re late.” Said Anne.

“We were making out in the bathroom.” Explained Ali.

“No problem.” Said Hamster. “Join the orgy.”

“I think we will.” Said Anne who was already helping Ali out of her dress. Ali returned the favor.

Hamster was fucking Erica’s pussy quite enthusiastically while Erica ate out Ashley’s pussy. Vanessa and the Panabaker sisters were all naked at this point. Vanessa was busy fingering the two sisters who were moaning and writhing. Soon enough KMB was blowing his load into his precious Rose’s pussy. She got off of him and a slightly exhausted KMB watched as she made her way over to Ali and Anne. Anne started to lap at Rose’s pussy so Ali joined Vanessa and the Panabaker.

“I want to watch the sisters do a 69.” Ali announced.

“YES!!!” everyone else cried in unison.

“But that is so dirty and wrong.” Danielle said.

“Come off it sis, you know you want me.” Kay said.

“Well….if everyone wants us to.”

“YES!!!” everyone cried again.

The sisters got up and approached each other nervously. Ali took their place next to Vanessa. The girls got in the69 position and treated everyone to a lesbian sex show.

After all was said in down, it was considered a very successful orgy.

Meanwhile, at Tricky’s house…

-Author’s Note: What happens next should not be attempted at home under any circumstances.

The reason that Tricksterson had skipped this rather remarkable orgy was that Tricksterson was babysitting…babysitting Alyson Stoner. This could be considered a drastic error of judgment on the part of her parents. BUT Mocker was trying to be good. It was a super-human effort on his part and for that he deserved credit. But the girl was not making it easy for him. He had gone to the fridge to get himself a beer and a soon as he stepped into the living room he say that the little strumpet had gotten into her underwear.

“Oh dear god.” Tricky whimpered as he clutched his chest.

“I was hot.” She explained.

Yes you are, thought Tricksterson. NO BAD, Tricky chastised himself.

“Uh beer.” Tricksterson managed to say.

“Sure.” She said as she took the beer from him.

‘No, that is not what I meant’ was what Tricksterson wanted to say. What he actually managed to say was, “Uh ok.”

When Alyson put on some music and began to do a very sexy dance, in her underwear, while drinking a beer, Tricksterson thought to himself ‘you are by far the worst baby sitter in history’. She grabbed his hand and danced with him before pushing him to the couch. When the next song came on Alyson began to give him a lap dance. ‘You evil, heartless, little bitch’ thought Tricky as the blood from his brain flooded towards his penis. His cock was straining against his jeans and he was feeling slightly dizzy.

“Wow, looks like it’s kind of tight in those jeans. Let me help you out.” Said Alyson

The 13-year-old girl unbuttoned his pants and unzipped his jeans. His resistance was crumbling fast.

“No Alyson this is wrong.” He said.

She pulled down his boxers.

“N-no…no…I said it’s wrong…”

She pulled out his throbbing, rock-hard cock.

“…wrong…wrong…”

She lowered her head, pulled back her hair with one hand, and raked her tongue across the side of his cock.

“WRONG ME BABY! WRONG ME, WRONG MY BRAINS OUT!” He cried as he tackled her to the couch.

He grabbed her underwear and pulled them off. He was no longer in his right mind as he stabbed his man meat into her tight little virgin pussy. Alyson’s eyes were as wide as saucers as she got pounded like a fish.

“Oooh ahh omigosh!!!” She cried.

So Tricky fucked her harder. She was practically a bobble head doll when Tricksterson shot his wad in her little pussy.

And THAT my friends is the reason that Tricksterson missed the orgy.

The place was jam-packed, Star Wars World was like a sardine can. Fanboys from every state rubbed elbows with each other and enjoyed the Star Wars themed rides and the grossly over priced food.

“Goddammed Lucas.” Protested Hamster.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Erica Durance.

“It’s the fucking Buffalo wings. They’re selling them here 12 bucks for 9 of them. That’s highways robbery.” Hamster said. “AND THEY DON’T SELL BEER!!!!!!!”

“Hamster, this is a family place.” Erica pointed out.

“Family place, my freshly shaven balls.” Said Hamster. “Everyone knows that the vast majority of Star Wars fans are middle-aged geeks. They are MY people, and my people want beer.”

Erica laughed. “You have such simple needs Hamster.”

“Hey Hamster!”

Hamster turned and saw KMB approaching, he was accompanied by Natalie Portman. Portman was wearing the white suit that she wore in Star Wars Episode 2.

“KMB, Natalie. Hey guys. I’m just lamenting the lack of alcohol.” Hamster said.

“Hamster, I have something better than beer for you.” Said KMB.

“Really what’s that?” Asked Hamster.

KMB handed Hamster a simple looking box.

“Nat and I are both friends with Lucas. He is letting you have one of the very few alpha versions of his working Lightsabre personal security device. It’s an imitation lightsabre that will actually stun anyone it comes in contact with.” KMB explained.

“Holy crap, that’s awesome!” Said Hamster. “Wow, hate to think what Nat had to do to get one of these.”

“Hamster, you do NOT want to know.” KMB said.

THREE AND TWO-THIRDS MONTHS AGO…

Natalie was shaking like frightened Chihuahua.

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable doing this…” She said.

She couldn’t see George’s reaction. That was because she was wearing a stupid Jar Jar Binks mask.

“What did I tell you baby?” Asked Lucas.

Natalie sighed. “Fine. Meesa not comfortable bein the Jar Jar.”

“Shit that makes me so damm hot.” Said Lucas.

George jumped on Natalie like a leopard with a gazelle.

“DAMMIT JAR-JAR, I WANT YOU SO BAD!!!” He cried.

“EEK!” Natalie exclaimed.

He savagely ripped her cloths off in his excitement. Lucas spread her legs and pushed his cock into her pussy.

“YES JAR JAR YES OH GOD YES!!!” Lucas cried as he shot his wad.

PRESENT….

Hamster held the device in his hands. He flicked the switch and the blade appeared just like in the movies. He was feeling emotional. Hamster could hear the faint sound of the Star Wars theme playing.

“KMB quit humming.” Said Hamster.

“Sorry” Said KMB.

Tricksterson showed up finally, hand in hand with Emma Watson.

“Tricky, how’s the babysitting service working out?” Hamster asked.

“Most rewarding job that I have ever held.” Tricksterson replied. “In fact I’m on the clock now.”

“He came highly recommended by Alyson Stoner.” Emma said.

She was wearing a schoolgirl uniform. It included shiny black patent leather shoes, knee-high socks, a pleated skirt, white shirt and a tie that matched the skirt. She was pretty tempting jailbait.

“Let’s check out the Death Star.” Natalie suggested. “George gave us all special key cards that will let us in.”

—-

313 was on of the very few people who had a keycard to let him into the incomplete yet fully operational ‘Death Star’ ride. He was in the secret entrance about to use the key card to get inside when he heard a woman say…

“Hello.”

313 turned and saw something that could only be described as very appealing. Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox standing there. Courtney was wearing tight black jeans, Jennifer’s were blue both were wearing Wolverine jerseys.

“Holy shit!” Said 313.

“Hi 313.” Said Courtney as she put a hand on his shoulder.

Jennifer kissed his cheek. “Hi 313.”

“Uh hi, how are you?” 313 asked.

“Not so good.” Said Courtney.

“Yeah.” said Jennifer.

“We really want to get into the Deathstar, but we didn’t get any key cards.” Said Jennifer.

‘That really sucks.” Said 313.

“Sure does.” Said Courtney.

“We were hoping that you could help us out.” Jennifer said.

“Don’t really know how I can.” Said 313.

“You can let us in with your key card.” Said Courtney.

“I don’t know. I’m not really supposed to, I think.” 313 said.

“You know Jennifer, I think we are going to have to convince him.” Said Jennifer.

“Yeah, we need to do some heavy convincing.” Said Courtney.

They turned and kissed each other.

“Oh my fucking god.” Said 313 as he stared at them as if they were some apparitions.

“You know, you could join us.” Jennifer suggested after they broke their kiss.

“Yes, that is a great idea.” Courtney said.

313 then attempted to defy his very nature by trying to be cool…he failed.

“Uhh I can do that.” He said.

Each woman stepped forward and then they each took turns kissing him. Courtney unzipped his pants and Jennifer then went fishing for trouser trout. There was deep sigh from 313 as Courtney swallowed his cock and one of Jennifer’s tits was shoved in his mouth. 313 sucked on it like a baby with a bottle. Like wise Courtney was going down on him like a circus seal. He was just getting ready to cum when his was suddenly filled with electricity. He fell to the ground unconscious; his last memory as he dropped was of a horrible, horrible scent.

Hamster used his keycard to get inside of the Deathstar replica. He made his way down the hall when a door suddenly came down behind him and separated him from KMB and the girls.

“What the fuck?” Hamster said.

He looked at the map and followed the directions. Down a long corridor he made his way to the control room in the hopes of seeing just what the hell was going on. Hamster was amazed at the detail and authentic quality of this fake Deathstar and it felt almost as though he was in the movie. Upon opening the door he saw K-Fed standing there.

“What the fuck?” Hamster said again as he turned on his imitation lightsabre.

“I see that you have your own lightsabre tell me, which generation is that?” Asked K-fed as he readied his own red saber.

“Alpha, why?” Asked Hamster.

‘Cuz Mine is beta.” K-Fed said.

“That’s impossible.” Cried Hamster in disbelief.

“So Hamster WHO IS YOUR DADDY?” Demanded K-Fed.

“Not you, asshole.” Hamster shot back. Hamster spun his imitation lightsabre intimidatingly. “What are you doing here?”

“I knew that you would be here so I arranged to get a hold of 313′s keycard and then trap you so that I could kick your ass.” Said K-Fed.

“That is overly optimistic on your part. It is clearly you who shall be on the receiving end of the ass kicking.” Said Hamster.

“Just then you used a lot of big words, could you dumb that down a bit?” K-Fed asked.

“Sorry I forgot that you were intellectually challenged. How’s this ‘Naw dawg id be that be smack’n round you.’ How’s that?” Asked Hamster.

“Better thanks.” K-Fed said.

“No Problem. From now on I’ll dub myself into Ebonics for you.” Hamster promised.

“Thanks. Now we fight.” K-Fed said.

The pair lunged at each other with lightsabres whirling there was an electric sizzle and pop each time that their lightsabres made contact. Hamster, the better fencer of the two, had K-Fed reeling almost immediately. His foul-smelling opponent was almost immediately backing K-Fed to the wall. Hamster was toying with K-Fed, knowing he had the upper hand. At this point K-Fed flipped the switch on his lightsabre sending it to full power. His saber was 30 times as powerful as Hamster’s. K-Fed brought the Saber crashing down on Hamster. Hamster blocked but K-Fed’s more advanced Lightsabre cut through Hamster’s obsolete model. K-Fed Struck a clean blow across Hamster’s head. Hamster collapsed to the floor unconscious. K-Fed smiled.

“Looks like you’re knocked out. Too bad I got the place rigged to explode.” K-Fed said.

He set the timer on his bomb and walked away.

“What the hell is going on?” Said KMB.

He, Tricksterson and the girls had been locked out of the Death Star shortly after Hamster entered without any explanation. The left the Deathstar and began to make their way to the management office when suddenly their was a loud explosion and the Deathstar collapsed in on itself. KMB’s phone began to vibrate. He picked it up and saw that he had a video message. KMB played it.

It was K-Fed.

“Waddup harem boy. Thought you should know there’s a new Harem now. K-Fed’s Harem.” K-Fed said. KMB watched in horror as Anne Hathaway, WWE’s Maria, Rose McGowan, Jamie Spears, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Anniston, and Kiera Knightly all stepped into frame around him. He turned and kissed Rose passionately.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Cried KMB as he fell to his knees and let his cell phone clatter to the floor.

K-fed was laughing sadistically on the other end.

Next: Order of the Broken Phoenix

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