How To Get Laid – By Ashley Judd

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How to get laid – by Ashley Judd

Disclaimer: Ashley Judd did NOT write this story. This
is not a true story.

Hi, ya’ll, Ashley Judd here. I’ve been glancing over
some of the stories at CSSA, and quite frankly I
thought you guys could use some advice as to how to
get laid. Let’s face it: getting a beautiful woman,
let alone a celebrity, to sleep with you, generally
isn’t easy. But I’m here to tell you that it
definitely can be done. Heck, you don’t even have to
be particularly good looking or have an incredible
body. You don’t have to be rich either; you just have
to create a situation and then play your
cards right.
There was one particular instance where a thoroughly
average guy managed to have his way with me real good,
and I think you guys can learn a thing or two from

I met this guy nine years ago, when my first movie,
Ruby in Paradise, had just opened. Nobody knew who I
was, and I was obliged to go around to all of these
movie premieres. Some charity organization called me
and asked me to go to a local premiere with somebody
who had won a “date with a celebrity” contest, so I
said sure. At that point I certainly wasn’t’ a
celebrity, but it felt good to be called one. I
thought he would just accompany me to the premiere,
and afterwards I would say good night and that would
be it.

Rule # 1: Try to go after celebrities either before
they hit it big, or when they are no longer in their

Look guys, forget about going after A-list stars, they
live in a secluded, guarded world and are generally
inaccessible to the public. But there are PLENTY of
actresses who haven’t yet hit it big, or who are past
their prime. They still look gorgeous, and can be
quite glamorous, but they don’t have the huge egos
that the genuine celebrities have. This blond guy who
was to be my date knocked on my modest LA apartment
and introduced himself. He apparently took a taxi to
my place. He wasn’t gorgeous; all in all I guess I’d
describe him as cute. Since he arrived early, I
invited him in to chat. I told him that this was my
first movie, and that it was an independent film. He
told me that I had the “aura” of a movie star, and
that it was inevitable that I would succeed in

Rule #2: High praise will get you EVERYWHERE

Hollywood is so ruthlessly competitive that aspiring
actresses are told incessantly how they will fail.
Women in particular tend to see themselves as a
collection of faults, too old, to fat, etc. They are
told that they are idiots to even try to succeed as an
actress by family, friends, heck even coworkers and
agents. So when a guy comes along and tells her that
her success is inevitable, she just eats it up. I did.
The guy went on for several minutes talking about all
of the “movie star” traits I had. He was probably
bullshitting me (but then again I did become a movie
star, didn’t I?) but his incessant praise was like an
emotional full-body massage. It made me feel
invigorated, tingly, relaxed yet excited. This man
definitely started to look more appealing than when I
first met him. After about an hour of chatting, mostly
him telling me how beautiful, charming, etc. I was, it
was time to get going to the premiere. We climbed into
the limo that the film company provided and continued
chatting. He was dressed in a Tux and I was in a
silver evening dress. We soon arrived at the movie
premiere and went in. We sat down (he was on my left)
and the lights went down.

Aspiring actresses go to movie premieres all the time
– it is practically a requirement for any aspiring
actress. When you star in a movie, you learn to dread
premieres. It’s fun the first couple of times you see
yourself on the big screen, but after I’d been to five
premieres of Ruby in Paradise, I was thoroughly bored
with the movie. My date seemed to sense this, because
soon after the movie began he began getting seriously

Rule #3: Take full advantage of a movie theater

Movie theaters are great places for you guys to make
moves for all of the obvious reasons. Movie premieres
are even better. The actresses are bored to tears at
seeing the SAME movie over and over again. So any
stimulation is welcome. At first he tried to be
subtle. He held my hand. Then he put his right arm
around me and began caressing my bare shoulders. His
right hand then slowly reached down under my gown
strap. His movements became increasingly bold. I
wasn’t wearing any bra, so he had his hand right on my
right tit.

Rule #4: The way to a woman’s pussy is through her

Most women have very sensitive breasts, and most guys
fail to take the proper amount of time to give them
stimulation. This guy didn’t make that mistake. As you
men know, my boobs aren’t that big, but they are
plenty sensitive. He started caressing my tit with his
thumb and forefinger. I was considering slapping him,
but the fact was what he was doing felt REAL good.
After several minutes of his ministrations he moved
his hand to my left tit. He started massaging that one
the same way. He wasn’t really positioned to do any
more, so he just kept holding them and caressing them.
At that point I was still thinking, “okay, this guy’s
had an opportunity to feel me up, but after this movie
is over I’ll take him home and that will be that.”
Little did I know that the evening was just beginning.
After the movie was over I found out that there was no
after-movie party; the cheap bastards who produced the
movie and who paid to have this premiere decided to
forego the expense of a party. So we went straight

When the limo reached my apartment, I thanked my date
for a wonderful evening and told him that I was
feeling tired, so I was going to call it a night. He
replied that he was missing a ring of his, and that he
must have left it in my apartment.

Rule#5: Plan some excuse beforehand so you can get
back into her apartment

“Smart guy”, I thought to myself “he’s just gotten
himself into my apartment”. I had to admit that this
guy was crafty and resourceful – he had no doubt taken
off and hidden his ring after he first arrived, so
that he could have a ready made excuse to come in
later on in the evening. After all, I had no idea what
his ring looked like. I invited him in to look for it,
what else could I do? He told me that he didn’t want
to waste too much of the limo drivers time and that he
was therefore obligated to tell the limo driver not to
wait. After all, he didn’t know how long it would take
to find his ring (sneaky bastard). When we went in, I
asked him which rooms in my apartment he had been in.
He told me that he had been in the living room,
bathroom, and bedroom. Bedroom? Yes, he confessed, he
had gone to the bathroom shortly after he arrived and
decided to take a “peek” into my bedroom. “Well” I
thought to myself, “this guy has now finagled his way
into my bedroom.” There was a patio right outside my
bedroom that overlooks the valley. It is a beautiful
view, and I often would just sit out there to enjoy
the view and ponder things. I went outside and leaned
against the railing, wondering how I should handle the
situation. Maybe the guy would find his ring and then
leave? Yeah right. But I had to admit that this guy
had played his cards quite adeptly, I admired that. He
and I knew that I was never going to see this guy
again after tonight, and he was acting accordingly.

I drank in the warm night air and watched the
mesmerizing sight of thousands of twinkling lights
below me. “I’ve found it!” I heard him say. He was
right behind me. As he said it, he put his arms around
my waist and drew himself close to me. I could feel
his bulging erection. Damn, this guy was hung!

Rule#6: If you have the equipment, let her know it.

I know that women are always talking about how size
doesn’t matter. Bullshit. Women say that because they
are always frightened that the guy they are talking to
has a tiny mouse-like wiener and will take offense.
But the fact of the matter is that most women are
curious as hell as to what it is like to have a
massive appendage fill them up. Look, do women
masturbate with pickles or with cucumbers? I rest my
case. The mistake many guys make is to imply, or even
worse, to state that they are well endowed. This
generally offends women and quite frankly reeks of low
class. The trick is to have a woman FEEL your manhood
in a way that is not too obvious. By sneaking up
behind me, he had positioned himself to feel me up
again, and to let me know in no uncertain terms that
he was a real big man.

“Great” I responded, and began rambling on about what
a beautiful night it was, what a beautiful view it
was, etc. I knew he wasn’t paying any attention. He
had unzipped my back zipper so deftly that I hadn’t
even noticed. He moved his hands onto my tits again,
and began massaging them, kneading them like they were
dough. My mind was racing as to how to proceed: I
certainly hadn’t planned on this happening, and this
guy was no hunk, but damn his ministrations felt good!
“You seem to like my tits,” I said, given the fact
that he was no longer the least bit subtle in his
groping. He responded by kissing my bare shoulders and
neck. Unlike at the movie, we weren’t sitting down now
so he had better access to my privates. He began
slowly moving his hand down my body, while he fondled
me with he left hand. I was still staring out into the
valley, finding no convenient way to move. His right
hand made it’s way until it was right above my
panties. He hesitated for a moment, caressing my
belly, and then plunged into my bush.

I know that some of you guys like women with shaved
bushes but I’ve never shaved mine and I’m sure as shit
not about to start. In fact, I’m convinced that the
whole shaving phenomenon got started simply because
waxing salons wanted more business. A number of women
have politely suggested that I have a wax treatment
“down there” but I just respond with cold stares. In
my eyes they’re just conformists. I have a full,
thick, hairy bush and I’m proud of it. It’s part of my
womanhood. Heck I don’t even shave my armpits. “What a
lovely bush you have!” He said, running his fingers
through my lush pubic hair. Okay, he won some points
for that comment. His ran his fingers through my hairs
until he reached my clit. He began lovingly stroking
it, to my obvious pleasure. While he was doing this he
was rubbing his dick up against my rear. I thought
about my dress; it was an expensive silk number and I
didn’t want him getting jism all over it. “If you’ll
stop dry humping me for a sec I’m going to take this
thing off.” I said. He grinned – he knew he was going
to get laid.

We walked back into my bedroom and I carefully removed
my dress. I wasn’t wearing a bra, only panties. He
walked in behind me, with an obvious bulge between his
legs. “Allright, hon, let’s see that monster of yours”
I said, curious as to how big it actually was. He
quickly removed his clothes and stood before me, with
an eight-inch member that was easily the biggest cock
I’d ever seen. “Damn!” I said, staring at it. He went
over to kiss me, and to cup my breasts. As he caressed
my mamaries, I stroked his dick, which was at full
attention. He started moaning, and told me that he
wanted to give me a facial. I replied that I’d just
had a facial at a spa the week before, and he laughed.
He laid me down on my bed and straddled me so that I
couldn’t see much besides his manhood. He put my hands
on his dick and started stroking. I could feel him
getting even bigger, and his moans were getting
louder. “Uh oh” I thought “He better move or…”
The first blast of semen splattered on my chin and
lips. It was followed by half a dozen more squirts of
thick, creamy jism that coated my cheeks, lips, mouth,
chin, and nose with cum. It was the first time that a
guy had ever cum on my face. I smiled –so THAT is what
he meant by a facial. I stared at him with an
embarrassed smile “That was impressive.” I said,
amazed that he had been able to pump out such a
massive torrent of sperm.

He then went down on me and ate me out. I had my legs
wrapped around him and I loved it – he gave me a real
tongue-lashing. After a few minutes of his licking and
sucking I was groaning and saying “Oh yeah man, suck
my pussy, suck it hard….such a big man….can taste your
cum in my mouth…….turn around hun, Ashley’s got a
gift for you.” I moved him off me and told him to lie
down on the bed. Then I straddled him, and started
stroking myself off with my fingers. You see, I am a
squirter, when I cum hard I can shoot my juices
several feet, and I wanted to reciprocate that nice
gift that he had just plastered all over my face. “You
like the way I look with your sperm running down my
face don’t you? Your gonna find out what a heavy
cummer I am, honey. ..gonna cum all over your
face…..oh yeah baby here it comes!” I yelled, stroking
myself furiously. I’m proud to say that I let loose
with a series of spurts that drenched him but good. My
ejaculatory juices weren’t as thick as his jism but I
guarantee you he felt it and tasted it. I massaged my
cum into his face with my fingers – seeing him there
with my juices dribbling down his face – I swear to
god that was the biggest turn on. I’m married now and
I’ve wanted to ask my husband if I could give him a
facial, but I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask.
So that’s the only time I’ve cum on a guy’s face.

We rested for a few moments, and then he turned around
and plunged his manhood into me. It was a good thing
that I was so wet, because otherwise I don’t think he
would have been able to get it in me. He began
pounding me something fierce as I struggled to absorb
his manhood. After a few moments his dick fit in my
pussy like a well-worn glove. I started shouting
obscenities at him – that’s what I do when I’m real
turned on, and after a few minutes more of intense
pounding he filled me with a massive load of
baby-batter. I loved how he filled me up, how I could
feel the warmth of his cum inside me. He spent the
whole damn night having his way with me – I sucked him
off (yes I swallowed – took me three gulps), he
titie-fucked me (and came on my face AGAIN, the
bastard) he fucked me up the ass real good (I’d never
had that done before, but my husband loves to fuck me
up the ass all the time now), then for the finale
fucked my pussy real hard again and shot ANOTHER
massive load deep inside me. Shit that guy was horny.
He finished with me by morning (luckily I didn’t have
anything I needed to do that day). I congratulated him
on getting lucky, told him to be careful with that
cock of his or he was going to get alot of women
pregnant, and told him it was time to go. So there
you have it, boys, you can get laid with actresses
(sometimes even celebrities!) if you play your cards
right, take full advantage of the opportunities that
come along, and take the initiative. Just follow my
advice. Good luck, guys.

by Sbranto

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